


Winning, Losing, and Everything In Between

by Sunny_Strange



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, From Eden by Hozier plays softly in the background, I just want them to be happy, Soft Killers, Some Fluff, little angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25735510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunny_Strange/pseuds/Sunny_Strange
Summary: Villanelle had been rather proud of the game that she created for herself and Eve, until now that is. Now she feels raw, her nerve endings exposed like frayed wires. Their game had been a heaven that she relished every minute of, and still does despite herself, even with the rawness. But as all the pieces on the board got moved, pushed and pulled by two sets of hands that were both longing to hold each other more than the pawns, Villanelle has come to realize that this whole time she was not in fact, winning.xxxThis takes place immediately following the season 3 finale and is what I would like to see transpire
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 3
Kudos: 72





	Winning, Losing, and Everything In Between

Villanelle didn’t know until this moment. How was she supposed to? Eve was meant to be this beautiful toy to manipulate, a piece on the board of chess that Villanelle designed especially for her. She hand crafted it so beautifully, carefully. It had been a masterpiece, better than all the fanciful murders, beautiful clothing, and intoxicating perfume put together. Her crowning achievement!

Villanelle had been rather proud of the game that she created for her and Eve, until now that is. Now she feels raw, her nerve endings exposed like frayed wires. Their game had been a heaven that she relished every minute of, and still does despite herself, even with the rawness. But as all the pieces on the board got moved, pushed and pulled by two sets of hands that were both longing to hold each other more than the pawns, Villanelle has come to realize that this whole time she was not in fact, winning. This should have been a rather hard pill to swallow, yet it slips down her throat so easily, quite unlike all of the other truths that she keeps choking down. 

How was Villanelle supposed to know that Eve was really the game master this whole time? How was she supposed to know that from the very beginning she secretly craved it to be this way? Yes, Eve was meant to be just a piece in a game, so how then has she become _everything_? Then again, it seems nothing is going the way it is supposed to lately.

Villanelle didn’t know until she turned around. In that second, a single, beautiful moment suspended in time, she realized that she had lost. And in an even more shocking revelation, she realized that she didn’t care. Eve had won and Villanelle had wanted her to, because in Eve winning, really they both won. The prize however, has yet to be decided.

Eve’s hair dances across her cheek, moving to flow behind her like the water under this bridge. Villanelle wants to jump in for a second. Would letting the water fill her lungs feel the same as running her fingers through that magnificent hair? The thought is shaken from her head quickly by the look in Eve’s eyes, searching her own. Hopeful. It’s the hope that brings a small smile to the farthest corner of Villanelle’s lips.

“I don’t know.” Villanelle chuckles to herself. Over the rush of the water and the passing of people she is not sure if Eve has heard her. Without her conscious provocation her feet start to move closer to Eve, a magnet that she can not escape the pull of and now never wants to. “I don’t know how to leave you.”

“That’s good.” Eve says back simply, her own feet slowly carrying them back together with surprisingly steady steps. Villanelle tries, but for the life of her she can not read the expression on the face of the older woman now. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t turned around too.”

A million questions float around the assassin’s head, too quickly for even her well trained mind to collect. Would Eve have chased her down? Would Eve have forgotten her eventually? What is Alaska like this time of year? All that comes out of her mouth is, “You win, Eve.” It sounds small and vulnerable and it makes Villanelle hate herself for a moment. But then Eve’s cold, delicate hand is cupping her cheek. “I gave you an out. Why didn’t you take it?”

“Because no matter how far I walked, across the world even, I would still want to come back to you.”

“Are you sure it is not because you thought I would come find you anyway?”

Eve pauses for a second, just looking up at the taller woman, eyes following the arch of her cheek bones like she is memorizing a map. Her delicate finger comes away wet, but that doesn’t make any sense? Then Villanelle feels them, ugly tears hot against the chill in her cheeks, and now she really considers jumping off the bridge.

Eve must see the panic in her eyes because she responds quickly then, “I’m only sure of one thing.”

“And what is that?” Villanelle pulls herself together, forcing her treasonist eyes to dry in an instant and her back to straighten.

“That you did ruin me. Not in the way you meant when you asked before, but in a way that I can’t explain… In a way that I wanted you to.”

They are both quiet for a moment then. Eve drops her hand and turns to rest on the railing, facing the inky black waters below. Villanelle follows suit. The railing is cold against her palms, helping ground her. Yes, nothing is going the way it is supposed to lately.

Eve was supposed to keep walking, find her way back to an ugly mustache and a desk job. Find a boring life in this boring world and find boring happiness in that. And Villanelle, well she was supposed to disappear. She was supposed to stop existing in this world and enter another, perhaps one with a beach and no other people to tempt her monster. Yet here they both are, hands slowly putting down the pieces of the game.

“I want spaghetti.” Eve’s voice is dry and steady. It brings a giggle out of a surprised Villanelle. She had not expected that, but that's one of the things that drew Villanelle to Eve in the first place. She could predict every movement, thought, and lie of everyone else in her world, yet Eve managed to surprise her at every turn. Eve raises an eyebrow at her but then giggles as well. The sound of it is music to Villanelle, a track that she wishes to play on repeat for eternity. Wishes are dangerous things in her line of work.

“I want to get out.” It is a moment of brutal truth that lifts something off of Villanelle’s chest so that she can breathe the night air just a little deeper. “I want spaghetti too. Preferably to be eaten in Alaska.”

This makes Eve laugh a little more. “You know, the last time we had a conversation like this it did not end so well for me.”

“I am thinking it is me who it will not end well for this time.”

“And why is that?”

“What is the opposite of a monster? Is it the hero who vanquishes it? A saint maybe? Either way, my monster encouraged yours, there is no doubt in this, even if you wanted it as you admitted. But your…” Villanelle closes her eyes to search for the right word and finally settles on, “Light. Your light encouraged this ember in me that I didn’t even know was there. I tried so hard to snuff it out, smother it like I smother people, but it didn’t work! It only grew and now….”

Silence fills the small space between them again. It hangs heavily on Villanelle’s shoulders. Someone as brutal as her should not feel the weight of it this much. Then it’s like she is under water, staring up at the light from under a murky surface. There is no air left in her lungs, but that is a problem for later because Eve is kissing her and the last thing she wants to do is come up for air. It is not desperate and fueled by rage, electricity, and thrill like their first on that bus not so long ago. It is surging, like a wave rising to crash down around them both. Inevitable.

Villanelle’s hands move to grip Eve’s elbows, wanting to hold her in place until she can never see the surface again. If she dies now, Villanelle will finally be at peace. However, far too soon for Villanelle’s liking, the tide goes out and her lungs are full of stupid air again. How badly she had wanted to drown. A shame.

Eve is breathing fast. Villanelle can feel the rise and fall of her chest against her own. “When are you going to let me be the one to initiate that huh? Don’t you know I have been waiting for like ever?”

But Eve looks up at her seriously, “I knew it was there, even if you didn’t Oksana.”

Villanelle untangles their limbs and goes back to leaning against the railing, leaving Eve biting her lip. There is silence again, but lighter this time. The name stings and warms at the same time. That name is not one that exists for her anymore. She killed her mother and what was left of Oksana had perished with her in that burning building. That name has only ever been used by people who sought to manipulate her, humiliate her, chain her. It has never been said so tenderly, so beautifully. Maybe Oksana is like a phoenix. Maybe she can be reborn?

“But you know the darkness is there still.” Villanelle poses it as an assertion, not a question, because there is no question really. She is still a terrible person who has done terrible things to people both good and terrible themselves. She knows that no matter what the future holds, even if it is a quiet beach or a cabin in Alaska, she will continue to do terrible things, at least until the light in her eyes shrinks and she has dissolved. But perhaps those terrible things will be slightly better than the terrible things she’s done before?

“I know.” Seeing Eve this way, so firm, is rather intoxicating.

“And you still turned around?” Eve gestures to herself with a sly smile as an answer. “You know, you are very beautiful when you tell the truth.”

“Maybe we should both try it more often.” They both laugh at that, knowing that it is a nice notion but they probably will not uphold it. It wouldn't be true to who they are. And Villanelle does know this, she has known this since the beginning and became more sure of it every day since, _they are the same._

The crash of the water below them beats against the sides of Villanelle’s head. Making her dizzy when combined with the subtle scent of Eve’s perfume. She still wears it… Villanelle turns to face Eve, her toy turned master, and grins. She goes to gently guide Eve to face her but the shorter woman is already moving on her own. Villanelle weaves her fingers through the dark locks before her, and closes her eyes at how impossibly soft they are.

Eve’s hand cups her cheek again, while the other wraps around her middle. Eve brushes the scar left behind by her from all those months ago and Villanelle wonders if that's on purpose. Either way, it sends a bolt of lightning right through Villanelle, electrifying her from the inside out.

“So what now? Do you want to come eat spaghetti in a cabin in the beautiful wilds of Alaska? Maybe watch a movie after? I will even let you pick, how nice of me right?” Villanelle whispers into the beautiful hair that she pictures every time she closes her eyes. She tries to keep the desperate longing that is just so unattractive out of her voice but can’t help that a little sneaks through.

“Yes.” And with one simple word Villanelle’s spirits soar to a height that they have never been to before. It feels nothing like Rome, it feels like seeing the sky for the first time after being in darkness, but clearer and brighter and brilliant! Villanelle can’t help herself, in one swift motion she picks Eve up, spinning her around giddy like a child, like Oksana was before everything bad came crashing down around her. Villanelle is still wary of the crash that may or may not come from this, but even if it kills her it will be well worth it.

The two laugh in what sounds like a glorious harmony to Villanlle’s ears. When Eve’s feet are back on the cobblestone, she clutches to Villanelle’s beautiful yellow coat, dizzy from the ride. Chocolate eyes gaze into hazel with what can only be described as burning intensity, making Villanelle tense and stop laughing immediately. Has the fallout come so soon?

“Yes, but not yet.”

Villanelle raises her perfectly manicured eyebrow in question, not letting the nerves show on her face. “What are you planning Miss Game Master? You win one time and suddenly you think you are a genius. Come on Eve, let's just go while we have a head start.”

“No.” Instead of pulling away, Eve leans in closer, gripping the coat a little too tight giving away fear. Villanelle does not yet know if it is fear of her or something else. “And for the record, I lost too.” Eve lets a split second pass to take in Villanelle’s slightly confused expression, but she doesn’t elaborate and presses on. “We will never be safe.”

“Eve, you are with a highly trained, international, flawless assassin, what is there to be afraid of? Besides me of course…”

“The twelve want us dead. Both of us. We will never be safe with them around! We will never be able to truly just be with that threat looming in the distance.”

“So what? I will keep us safe. I have money and resources and no qualms about killing anyone who would dare lay a finger on you.” Eve seems to preen at the comment, making Villanelle grin widely. “Nothing bad except me will happen to you. I promise.”

“As much as I want to believe you, they won’t rest until all the loose ends are tied. And you know damn well that we are the biggest loose ends there are.”

Silence again. It makes Villanelle frown and twirl wild dark locks through her long fingers in thought. “You want to destroy them.” Another assertion, not a question. She sees the determination, the fire and excitement brimming over in her love’s eyes. It is the result of Villanelle really, the result of letting a feral cat loose that you will never be able to catch again. It makes Villanelle’s mouth go dry, because for the first time she has something to be afraid of. She can’t lose Eve to the Twelve, she must protect her at all costs. She must keep her beautiful, ferocious feral cat safe.

“I do. Before they destroy us.”

“The only thing that could destroy me is you.”

Eve chuckles at that and Villanelle is relieved. The chocolate eyes looking back at her are filled with an emotion that Villanelle has never really seen before, never been on the receiving (and definitely not giving) end of, never really understood, and never really believed existed. Love.

Eve’s lips part slightly and that is all the invitation Villanelle needs. She swoops in, too eagerly but she doesn’t care. Their lips crash together like waves on worn rock, giving in to the inevitable force of the sea. Villanelle holds Eve close until there is no air, only desire, between them. She kisses her like she has never experienced before, completely, with every part of her. With the darkness and the ember of light, the worry, the passion, the fire that she tried to bury within herself for so long.

People say that psychopaths do not feel anything, at least not normal feelings. But with this kiss Villanelle thinks that maybe she is not truly a psychopath after all? Maybe her trauma and training became so deeply ingrained in her that even she did not realize it. Instead of not having emotions in the first place, she buries them so deep, discarded them to a place that she didn’t even know existed until she started playing this game with Eve. See, this is part of why Eve has won. Because she is _everything_ to Villanelle. Both lock and key.

Villanelle pulls Eve impossibly closer, making their kiss impossibly deeper. Yes indeed, nothing is going the way it was supposed to… it is going even better. Reluctantly the pair pulls away slightly for air, but Villanelle can’t help but grin. She knows that will be far from the last heated kiss they share. “So, what now?”

Eve’s hands rest lightly over Villanelle’s collar bones, tracing their outline even over her very fashionable yellow coat. “I have a plan.” She offers up cryptically.

“Does it end with movies, italian food, and love making perhaps?”

“That is the goal.” Eve answers quickly, blushing deeply at what she just admitted to. She promptly hides her face in Villanelle’s neck to prevent any further embarrassment. Villanelle only finds Eve even more endearing.

“Then I would like to hurry up and get this over with because waiting has been agony.”

Eve lifts her head up sheepishly and grins, “I guess maybe we can have just one night before we need to confront our terrible reality?”

The implications of that set in and Villanelle finds herself with her mouth hanging open slightly, nodding eagerly. “One night. Then in the morning we can follow your little, I’m sure extremely well thought out, plan and have the Twelve on their knees by dinner.” She knows the grin she is wearing is stupid but she can’t bing herself to care.

“You say that so confidently, like it’ll be oh so easy to dismantle a global crime organization.”

“Have you met me, Eve? Of course it will be easy! If that’s what it takes for us to be free, of course it will be easy because you know I would do anything.” _Anything for you._ The last bit left unsaid hangs on Villanelle’s tongue but she knows Eve understands.

“Tomorrow then.” Eve’s voice is calm and gentle, holding more confidence then before but still unsure.

“At least we have tonight.” Villanelle says into the night air.

Mimicking the woman who has come to mean so much to Eve, she replies softly, “Yeah, at least we have tonight.”

Arm in arm, the two women walk away. They cross over the bridge that was constructed to separate them, into the inky blackness of the night, with only the flickering ember of light in both of their chests to guide them. It’s true, Villanelle didn’t realize until it was too late, just how badly she had lost. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This was my first attempt at writing in a few years and I would love to get your feedback. Seriously, any and all comments are appreciated. Thank you!


End file.
